


Helfen, Wehren, Heilen

by KrazyPerson6



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Bodyswap, F/M, Gen, Middle Ages, The Crusades, also France being France, this is has quite a bit of religion and a bit of period typical homophobia in it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24900211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrazyPerson6/pseuds/KrazyPerson6
Summary: It's the 13th century and the Teutonic Knights is fighting in the Crusades like any good knight should. He has to learn for the first time all about war, loss, and maybe even a little thing called love.
Relationships: Hungary/Prussia (Hetalia), Hungary/Teutonic Knights
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy, this is the first time I think I have ever written a hetero couple? So this is gonna be interesting lol.  
> The title is the Teutonic Knights' actual motto, which in English is: "Help, Protect, Heal."  
> In the beginning of this story both the Teutonic Knights and Hungary herself think that Hungary is a boy, so that's why I chose to use male pronouns.

A holy mission from God Himself. That’s what these crusades that had been dragging on for literal centuries now were supposed to be. To win the Holy Land of Jerusalem, where Jesus had performed so many of his wondrous miracles, back from the Muslims. So far it has gone terribly wrong. Countries from all over Europe had sent troops on the long, arduous journey only to die bloody in the end.

As of yet, the young Teutonic Knights hadn’t seen the fighting first hand. Even though he represented the newly formed Order of Brothers of the German House of Saint Mary in Jerusalem, he was still only a child and his knights had held him back from any actual fighting. He had stayed at the hospital, helping the nurses care for injured knights.

Today was different. He’d snuck out by himself in the early hours of the morning to see his men fight in this ‘holy’ war. What he’d seen had shaken his small frame to its core. One of his men, Ulbrich, a man he knew very well and who had stood by him for as long as he could remember, was fighting a tall man wearing a long flowing robe and turban. Ulbrich was clad in armor and had a long broadsword. At first glance it looked like he had the upper hand, but as the Teutonic Knights looked closer he saw that his knight was tiring. The two had obviously been fighting for quite some time. The man in the turban had a very long spear as a weapon. He didn’t make any unnecessary movements, only moving to avoid the wild swings of the knight. Suddenly he struck out with his spear and hit the knight in the side, right in between the plates of his armor. He struck with enough force to break through the man’s ribs and pierce his heart.

The young boy ran out from his hiding place behind some bushes, not caring that it left him wide open to attack. “Ulbrich!” he shouted, kneeling down by the man.

The Muslim pulled his spear out of the knight, causing a torrent of blood to begin to pour out of the large hole in his side. He raised his blood-soaked weapon to end the child’s life as well, but was interrupted by an arrow embedding itself in his shoulder. He quickly thought better of staying around any longer upon seeing the group of knights rushing towards them, one of whom had another arrow notched on his bow, ready to fire again. He fled into the underbrush, disappearing from sight.

Tears were leaking out of the eyes and down the face of the Teutonic Knights. He had Ulbrich’s head in his small hands. “Please, don’t, not like this…” the boy choked out, barely above a whisper. He could physically feel the man dying. Ulbrich was part of his country and as such he had a very strong connection to him.

“Don’t waste your tears on me, Gilbert...use your strength...to fight….for our Lor-...” were the very last words that the man uttered before passing on from this world.

The Teutonic Knights couldn’t hold back his tears, though he tried. This man had been by his side for far too long to just shrug off like that. He was almost like a brother to him.

His knights had to pry his hands off of Ulbrich's body before they pulled it away to bring it back to the hospital for burial. Even then he couldn't be moved, he just stared after them, his red eyes lackluster and his clothes and hands soaked in blood from the dead man.

He slowly rose to his feet and followed after them, his self preservation instincts kicking in in spite of his depressed feelings. Staying alone out here was not a smart idea; as made amply evident by what had just happened.

There was a small stream that ran by in view of the hospital. The Teutonic Knights paused by it. He dipped his hands in the cool water in an attempt to wash Ulbrich's blood from them. While he did succeed in washing all visible traces of blood from them; he could still distinctly smell the metallic odor of the man's blood.

"And what are you up to, you stupid moron? Trying to wash your filthy little hands?"

The Teutonic Knights' head shot up in an instant at the sudden voice, frantically searching for the source of it. Hungary was standing on the other side of the stream, a condescending smirk on his face.

"And what are you up to, other than sneaking around and being a general crapwod?" the Teutonic Knights shot back at the other country. Of all the times for this asshole to show up… The Teutonic Knights would be damned if he let himself be even the slightest bit weak in front of Hungary. He had a reputation of being awesome to uphold after all.

"I was bored so I came to see if you were doing something stupid that I could make fun of, and I was right." Hungary was all set to go off into a tangent of insults and teasing about the other country, but something in the Teutonic Knights' eyes made him pause. "Seriously man, is something wrong? You look even crappier than usual."

"Ha, as if something would be wrong with the awesome me!" He tried to laugh, but it just sounded hollow. He was using every bit of self control (which admittedly wasn't very much) that he had to keep from bawling like a baby.

"Did you watch one of your people die, unable to stop the inevitable from happening?" Hungary asked with startling accuracy. 

"How did you…?" The Teutonic Knights stared at the other country. How had he guessed exactly what was wrong?

"You have the look about you. Believe me, it doesn't get easier, but you learn to harden your heart and not let it get to you as much. You still wish every time that you could give your life instead, and a small part of you dies inside, but you have to keep living. For your country. For your people, for people are what truly makes a country a country." Hungary said this all with a very serious face, his green eyes shining. "Honestly I think this entire crusade business is a load of crap. Why are we bothering to have basically a pissing match over a chunk of land just because-"

The Teutonic Knights shushed him before he could finish his sentence. "What you speak is blasphemy! We need to reclaim the Holy Land from these heathens! We cannot let the holy relics fall into the wrong hands! We must find the Holy Grail and the Ark of the Covenant. We can't let the places where our Lord Jesus Christ blessed with many miracles fall into the hands of those who don't believe!"

“Wow, calm down, will you? Really preaching what your boss is after there," Hungary scoffed.

"Don't you believe? Isn't that why you're here?" The Teutonic Knights was still very young and didn't have a good understanding of how things worked in the world. He just did what he was told and didn't think too hard about it.

"If you mean do I believe in our Lord, then of course; it's this accursed crusade and its senseless loss of life I don't believe in." Hungary was sick and tired of just doing what he was told and was feeling rebellious. He'd never actually outright disobey his boss, a country really couldn't, but he would complain about it to the Teutonic Knights. While they weren't exactly friends, he felt that he wouldn't tell anyone. It wasn't like the guy had friends anyway.

This made the Teutonic Knights pause. He had just seen a close compatriotic struck down in the name of this war. If it wasn’t for this crusade he’d still be here, alive. “You may be right there, but if we stop believing in what we came here to accomplish, what do we have to strive for?” It really all did seem rather pointless when it was put like that.

“I don’t know, I’m just stating my opinion, I really don’t care what you have to say about it, loser,” Hungary said before turning, his shoulder-length brown locks catching in the wind before he walked away to leave the Teutonic Knights alone with his own thoughts.

And he left the young country with a lot to think about. Was there really any point at all to this centuries old war?

***

When the Teutonic Knights finally got up the courage to go see his knights they were already digging a grave for Ulbrich. He helped the best he could, mostly getting in the way next to the much bigger, grown men. He watched in silence as they gently lowered his body into the hole in the ground. He managed to keep his composure as everyone said a few words in memorial of his passing. When it came to his turn though, he couldn’t get a single word out and broke down sobbing. He ran into the hospital, taking the steps that led up to his room in the tall tower of the building two at a time in his haste to keep his men from seeing him cry. He collapsed in his bed, burying his head under the sheets and screaming into his pillow. He felt like such a child. He really was still just a child, but he was also a country. A country shouldn’t cry when just one of his people died.

“We all miss him too, you know,” Wilhelm, another of his knights, said softly from the doorway.

The Teutonic Knights heard him, but he couldn’t come up with anything to reply with, just continued to sob into his pillow. He was surprised when the knight knelt down next to him and scooped him up into his arms, holding him tenderly to his chest like he was his own child. He stroked the boy’s platinum blond hair, burying his face in it before letting out a sob of his own. “At least we can find solace in the fact that he is in Heaven with our Lord now and no longer suffering in the dust like the rest of us…”

Wilhelm held him in his embrace for a few brief minutes before setting the Teutonic Knights down. He smiled weakly at the boy before leaving him alone. “Gilbert, come back to us once you have some time to cope with it, alright?”

It was a few hours before the Teutonic Knights moved from his bed. He found his knights all in the dining hall, having a simple supper of soup and bread, talking quietly among themselves. They were recounting stories about Ulbrich and all the brave things he did, and also the few times he had done something stupid.

“Gilbert, glad to have you join us!” They greeted him warmly. Even though the Teutonic Knights often thought of himself as a rather useless member of the knights, the rest of them didn’t see him like that. He was more of a little brother that they all looked after.

***

After that the knights saw the need to teach the Teutonic Knights how to fight. Yes, he was young, but he needed to know how to defend himself and eventually become a formidable knight like the rest of them. At first he was, of course, not very good and would end up in the dirt with a sword at his throat, but he eventually learned and could take on a full sized knight and win.

Next he was trained how to ride a horse. He took to it much faster than he did to the sword, and was soon riding circles around his knights. It was a good thing too, being on top of a horse gave him quite the height boost. As the months passed though, all of them started to notice that he was growing, both physically and mentally. He was a much stronger force to be reckoned with than he had been at Ulbrich’s death.

It was then that he joined the knights in actual battle. Their white flag with its black cross flew high and proud before them as they marched out to battle with the enemy. Swords clashed and much blood was shed. The young boy tried to harden his heart as Hungary had suggested months ago, but it still felt like a part of himself was being ripped out everytime his knights were even injured, let alone killed.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Hungary, fighting like a man possessed, in the thick of the battle. Although he was no larger than the Teutonic Knights physically, he fought with the ferocity of a man three times his size. In spite of this, Hungary couldn’t fend off one of their adversaries. A tall man slashed Hungary across the chest and dragged him off, away from the fighting. The Crusaders were winning so retreat would be the wisest plan for the man, but he wanted to take down the annoying little brat that had taken down so many of his countrymen first.

The Teutonic Knights vaulted off his horse, which enabled him to quickly travel through the throng of people to chase after them. He had a bad feeling about it; while Hungary wasn’t really a friend, he wouldn’t let him be murdered, or worse, in cold blood by one of their mutual enemies. He soon found both of them in a small clearing. The tall man had Hungary backed up against a rocky outcropping, a spear at his throat.

The young knight was just going to run in headlong without pause, when he saw the man’s face. This was the same man who had killed Ulbrich. He couldn’t just give him a quick, merciful death. No, this man had to pay for his sins. “Let him go and take me on, if you’re not a coward! I will avenge Ulbrich!” he shouted, brandishing his sword in front of him.

The man replied, in very broken German, that he would kill both of them, but if he wanted to die first that was fine with him. He made the mistake of turning his back to Hungary and facing the Teutonic Knights. Before he could even take two steps forward to fight, Hungary had whipped a hidden knife out of his boot, jumped up and slit the man’s throat, all in one swift movement. The tall man’s body fell to land with a thud in the dirt.

“I really didn’t need you to save me, craphead, but thanks for distracting him, I guess,” Hungary muttered, trying to play it off as nothing. This was proven very wrong when his tunic started turning red.

“You’re bleeding, let me look at it!” the Teutonic Knights said in alarm, reaching out and starting to tug on Hungary’s sleeve.

“And why would I let you look at it?!” Hungary barked, turning a little red in the face. “You’re just a dumb sword-swinging knight.”

The Teutonic Knights started to unbuckle Hungary’s belt so he could get his tunic off and see his wound. “You forget that I live at a hospital and help take care of injured knights.”

Hungary’s eyes suddenly went wide, and it had nothing to do with the other boy trying to undress him. “Don’t move,” he said, very quietly. “Don’t look now, but there is a lion behind you.”

“Don’t make stupid jokes at times like thi-” the Teutonic Knights of course couldn’t help but look behind him. Hungary was not joking. There, sniffing at the body of the man Hungary had just killed, was a very large, and very hungry, lion.

Both countries froze in fear, the Teutonic Knights instinctively wrapping his arms around Hungary's waist. Hungary reached out and grabbed onto the other country as well, but quickly let out a small gasp and let go, as the movement agitated his wound.

The Teutonic Knights noticed that Hungary was in pain and his knight's training in chivalry kicked in and he unsheathed his sword and waved it at the giant cat. "Go away, kitty! Get away!"

"You idiot, do you really think that will work? You're a tiny mouse compared to him and he'd just as soon eat you as look at you!" Hungary tried to put as much fire as he could muster into his words, but he was growing very weak due to loss of blood. He was only standing by clutching onto the back of the Teutonic Knights' white cape.

The lion let out a low growl as he sized up the two children. He took one step forward, his huge paws surprisingly quiet on the ground, before deciding that they weren't worth his bother and started in on the easy meal of the dead Muslim.

"Quick! While he's distracted!" the knight whispered very loudly, going to make a run for it. He turned to look and was shocked to find that Hungary wasn't there. He looked down at his feet and found that Hungary was lying on the ground, out cold. He muttered some words that should not be said by any good Christian, sheathed his sword again, and picked the other country up.

Under normal circumstances, he would have taken Hungary back to the hospital, but he was miles from there, there were enemies still retreating in the distance, and the sun was quickly setting in the west. The smartest plan of action was to find someplace to shelter for the night. He walked what he thought was a safe distance away from the lion before he searched in earnest for a resting place. Lady Luck was smiling upon him and he happened upon a cave. He quickly checked the cave for any other inhabitants, but found it empty.

The young knight carefully set Hungary in the cave and went to find some kindling for a fire, he couldn't find much, this was a desert after all, but he found enough. He soon had a small fire burning and set to seeing about the other country's wound. The tunic was already ruined, so he cut that away with a knife.

Just as he went to remove Hungary’s underclothing as well the other country woke up. “Huh, where am I? And why are you taking my clothes off?! You pervert!” He slapped the Teutonic Knights across the face. He immediately regretted it as he remembered that he had a large cut on his chest, and moving violently like that didn’t help the problem.

Both of them cried out at the same time, Hungary clutching his chest and the Teutonic Knights cupping his hands over his own cheeks as they stung. “I’m only trying to help you!” The young knight said as soon as his face stopped feeling like it had been kicked by a horse.

“Sorry, I overreacted,” Hungary said sheepishly. He had been disoriented from fainting and didn’t know what was going on and had stuck out at the nearest assumed threat.

“Okay, now just stay still, I need to bandage your cut.” The Teutonic Knights pulled the rest of the clothing off of Hungary’s top half and finally got a good look at the wound he had sustained from the tall man. It wasn’t quite as deep as he had feared, but it was quite long, running from his collarbone all the way down to his navel. He had a small double take when he looked closer at Hungary’s chest. It looked a little odd, but he couldn’t quite place why. It was somehow more filled out than the chests of the knights he’d seen. Those were grown men though, maybe Hungary just looked different because he was young. He shrugged and promptly forgot about it, setting about the work of treating the cut.

Once he had Hungary’s entire chest wrapped in bandages he was finally finished. “There, now, you’d better not move for awhile, you’ll open it back up if you do.”

“Thanks for stating the obvious,” Hungary muttered, starting to shiver from the rapidly dropping temperatures. Nights in the desert were much colder here than back home. The Teutonic Knights pulled off his cape and threw it nonchalantly at Hungary. The other country took it without a word and wrapped up in it, silently grateful.

The knight lied down next to the fire, keeping a watchful eye on the entrance to the cave for any danger. He knew he should keep awake; Hungary was in no condition to defend either one of them, but he was so, so very tired. He sat up, shaking his pale head to stay awake.

This was going to be a very long night for this young knight.


	2. Chapter 2

At the first sign of dawn, the Teutonic Knights blinked open his eyes, momentarily forgetting about the events of the previous day. After a few bleary seconds passed, he was shocked wide awake with the realization that sometime during the night, despite his best efforts, he had fallen asleep. He jumped up from his resting place by the dying fire, and frantically searched the cave for any signs that something horribly wrong had happened the night before. To his immense relief, nothing appeared to be amiss. Hungary was still sleeping soundly, still wrapped up in the knight's cape.

The Teutonic Knights approached the other child, wanting to make absolutely sure that he was still alive, and hadn't succumbed to his injury during the night. He placed a hand gingerly in front of his mouth, trying to feel his breath. He jumped back with a shout when Hungary suddenly grabbed hold of the hand.

"The hell are you doing, sticking your hand in my face this early in the morning?" The brunet muttered groggily, letting go of the offending appendage and batting it away.

"If you must know, I was just checking to see if you were still alive," the Teutonic Knights huffed. “Not that I care or anything. It would just be a pain to move your dead body back to the hospital.”

A soft nickering sounded from outside the cave. The young knight peeked cautiously outside to see what was making the noise. He was put at ease when he saw that it was his horse; a pure white gelding that he had known since he was a young foal. He hadn’t expected him to come back for him after he had abandoned the animal to rescue Hungary. Having a horse to ride would make the trip back to the hospital so much easier.

After he carefully set his injured companion on the horse’s back, he swung up behind and lightly tapped the gelding’s flanks and they were off. It was mostly an uneventful ride, except Hungary complaining about various things for a good part of it.

***

Once back at the hospital, they were met by both France and England before they could make it all the way to the nurses they needed to look after Hungary.

“Bonjour, mon ami, long time no see. I’m here to ask if you wanted to go on an important, and very holy, mission with us?” France greeted them and got straight to the point of their visit. He was wearing a bright blue tunic that very much resembled a lady’s dress. The Teutonic Knights had seen him wear so many odd outfits though, that it was hardly of note at this point.

“Hallo, France, England,” the Teutonic Knights greeted. “I’d love to chat, but right now I have a patient that needs attending to.” He motioned pointedly to Hungary, who was leaning heavily on his arm. 

“Oh ho ho, are you two an item now?” France teased, sniggering behind his hands.

“Oh shut up, unlike you two, we were actually fighting in this Holy War and he got injured doing the Lord’s work.” The Teutonic Knights was getting a little annoyed at his unannounced guests. They may be allies in the crusade for Christ, but it didn’t mean that he had to like them. To propose that he might have… romantic interests in another male was preposterous. It was a sin. A sin of the highest order. He shuddered at the thought of what people might do to him if he was even accused of engaging in a homosexual act.

“What kind of holy mission?” Hungary asked as he slid off of the knight’s arm and onto the nearest bed. Unlike his companion, he had actually been listening and heard what France had said to begin with. Going on a mission sounded exciting, a good change from the constant, pointless, fighting.

“Well, it’s a mission that my king wants us to go on,” England spoke up for the first time. “He says that the Holy Grail is somewhere in the Holy Land and he wants us to find it. It’s supposed to hold some kind of magic power. Maybe we can finally end this bloody centuries-old war then.” The last part was muttered under his breath.

“Sounds good to me, when do we leave?” Hungary asked. One of the nurses had come over and started to tend to his wounds. The cut was already closing and it wouldn’t take more than a few days to completely heal; one of the perks of being an immortal was super fast healing.

“What do you mean? We have a war to fight, we can’t go off on a random mission in the middle of a war!” the Teutonic Knights objected. Although it would be a nice distraction from the constant small skirmishes they kept engaging in of late. Nothing of any great importance seemed to be accomplished. 

His brain finally caught up to his mouth and realized that France had said they were looking for the Holy Grail, the cup that was used to catch Jesus’s blood at the crucifixion. The same cup used at the Last Supper as well. Finding it would be a very big, important, deal. “On the other hand,” the knight relented, “if it’s for the Holy Grail… I guess we can take some time.”

France patted his back a little too familiarly. “That’s the spirit, mon ami! We leave on the morrow!” He turned to take a look around the hospital. “Now, what do you have to eat around here? I probably need to teach you barbaric Germans what real food is.”

After France cooked up some unusual, albeit delicious, food using what he could find in the knight's stores, the four countries all went to bed. France, England, and Hungary all borrowed extra beds in the hospital to sleep in, while the Teutonic Knights stayed in his own bed in the upper tower.

Hungary was interested to hear the tales France and England had to tell of their journey from the British Isles all the way to Jerusalem, and the three stayed up chatting probably longer than they should have. After a few hours of talking, the still injured nation started to nod off. He needed proper rest to recover as quickly as possible from his wound.

Being older than both of them, France noticed first and suggested that they get some rest. They all wished each other good night and fell asleep quickly, exhausted but still a little excited about their mission tomorrow. 

That is until, in the middle of the night, Hungary awoke with a start. He thought he heard something, a creaking of a floor board. He was about to just assume it was either France or England getting up to relieve himself, when he caught sight of a ghostly figure coming closer to his bed. It was pure white, the light of the moon shining in from the windows illuminated it, making it glow. Hungary was too scared to cry out, just froze in fear, staring in wide-eyed horror. He knew no mortal could keep him dead permanently, but what about a being from beyond the grave?

"Hey, Hungary, I just had a dream that you died and stuff, I wanted to check to make sure you didn't."

Hungary blinked. The ghostly specter spoke German, and sounded a lot like the Teutonic Knights, although he was whispering as to not disturb the others, unlike his usually loud voice. He was dressed all in white, and with his pale hair and skin, he had just appeared to be a ghost.

"Of course I'm not dead, you stupid idiot. Now go away, I'm trying to sleep." Hungary tried very hard to keep the tremor out of his voice. There was no way he'd let the knight know he had spooked him.

"Well, just as long as you're okay. Gute Nacht." The albino crept away much more quietly than he had arrived.

It was a little odd that the boy seemed genuinely concerned about Hungary's wellbeing. Never before did he show the slightest bit of interest. They mostly communicated through insults and making faces at each other. Hungary shrugged it off though as he yawned and fell asleep to the sound of the Teutonic Knights climbing back up into his room. It couldn't possibly mean anything, right?

***

The next morning, once everyone was awake and had eaten breakfast, the four nations set off on their mission to find the Holy Grail. They really didn’t have much of a clue as to where to begin their search, so they started with just wandering around in the wilderness.

Since they were all still small they didn’t see the point of each having his own horse, so they doubled up; the Teutonic Knights and Hungary on the knight’s white gelding, and France and England on a palomino mare. It had the extra bonus of them not needing nearly as much food for their horses.

They spent most of the day just aimlessly traveling through the desert, looking in every nook and cranny on the off chance that they might, like a biblical miracle, find what they were looking for. They didn’t find even a hint of its whereabouts though, and when the sun started to set and fill the sky to the west with fiery pinks and oranges, they settled down for the night.

Everyone fell asleep, they were so tired none of them thought to take the precaution of having one of them stand guard to keep them safe. Since they were in the middle of nowhere, the thought didn’t really occur to them. They forgot all about the wild animals that roamed the wilderness and could eat them.

Unbeknownst to the nations, not a hungry animal, but a fellow nation, had been watching and tracking them during the day. The four nations hadn’t even been trying to hide themselves, plus they were in a desert with very few trees to hide behind. The rolling hills of Israel did afford a small amount of cover, but not nearly as much as the forests of Europe they were used to.

The nation crept out from the rock outcropping he had been hiding behind, waiting for the others to fall asleep. He had been scheming of a way to get back at his rival, Hungary. He knew about how he and the Teutonic Knights didn’t really get along very well, and had come up with the perfect plan to make them suffer. He was one of the few nations that knew how to use magic, and he intended to use it to play a little, mostly harmless, prank on the two nations. 

He carefully slipped something into first Hungary’s, then the Teutonic Knights’s mouth, making sure that they swallowed before creeping off into the night.

***

The Teutonic Knights yawned and stretched. Despite sleeping on the ground in an unfamiliar place, he actually felt quite rested. His bladder was decidedly not though, he desperately needed to pee. Quickly getting up, he ran over to the nearest bush and hid behind it for privacy. Dropping his tights and loincloth, he reached between his legs… and found nothing? He reached further down, thinking that maybe his penis had somehow gotten stuck down there, but it was missing? There was no way it could have just fallen off… 

His overwhelming need to relieve himself won out over investigating further, and he squatted down, emptying his aching bladder. He knew it was a sin to touch himself… down there, other than the obvious need to aim, but there was something seriously wrong with him if he didn’t have a penis anymore. Was God punishing him for some heinous sin that he didn’t even know he committed?

The knight quickly put his clothes back on, not wanting to get caught staring at his own private parts, or even worse, someone else seeing them. He went back to his companions and nearly had the fright of his young life when he saw himself, still sleeping, lying next to the glowing embers of their fire from the night before. Did he die? Was he having an out-of-body experience where somehow his penis had fallen off? And he could pee? Was he going to be stuck as a ghost that could do nothing but pee?

Kneeling down by himself, he reached out a hand and touched it against his own cheek. It was warm. This body was very much still alive.

“Hmm, you being weird again, stupid knight?” the albino boy spoke, swatting away the hand like it was a fly. He slowly opened one red eye, peering at the person hovering over him. It took a moment for what he saw to sink in, then he started screaming.

The Teutonic Knights joined in and both of them screamed at each other like they were being murdered, both pointing at the other. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BODY?!” they bellowed in unison.

Both France and England jumped up, weapons in hand, expecting to find an army of Muslims attacking them. Instead, they saw their two companions yelling at each other for no discernible reason.

"It is much too early for all this ear-splitting screaming," France groaned as he rubbed his sore ears. He clamped a hand over Hungary's mouth while England did the same to the Teutonic Knights. 

"Care to explain why you two are screaming like bloody banshees?" England asked, trying very hard to not scream himself in response. He slowly removed his hand from the albino's mouth, ready to slap it right back on if he started screaming again.

"He stole my body!" the knight's body said, barely quieter than a scream, pointing accusingly at the other boy.

"Me?! No, you stole my body!" Hungary's body shot back.

France looked between the two of them. He had no idea what actually happened, but he had a slight possibility he wanted to voice, mostly because he wanted to see them squirm. "Were you two… intimate with each other last night? Is that what you mean by stealing each other's bodies?"

If it was possible, the Teutonic Knights turned even paler. "What. The. Hell. Of course not! With him? That's disgusting! Why would you even suggest such a thing?!" He stormed off into the hills.

"Exactly what he said! Why are you so gross, France?!" Hungary's face was bright red as he also stormed off, but in the opposite direction from the knight.

"It certainly is lively this morning," France chuckled to himself as he revived the fire to make breakfast.

***

After walking around for some time to clear their heads, the two body-swapped nations eventually came upon each other and stopped to stare at… themselves. It was so weird, like looking in a very clear pool of water, but so much more vivid.

"I didn't think something like this was even possible," Hungary said softly, sitting down on a rock.

The Teutonic Knights sat next to him. "Yeah, it's super crazy." He played with his new, longer brown hair. It would take awhile to get used to this. Then the most unusual part about Hungary's body came to mind. "Hey, Hungary, why don't you have a penis?"

"Why were you looking down there?!" Hungary thought a warrior monk would never do anything so vulgar. 

"I just needed to pee, kinda have to aim and stuff, you know." Didn't every boy know that? "Did… something happen? Did it get cut off?" He cringed, that sounded horrible. He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. Which the more he thought about, wasn't Hungary. He wouldn't go so far as to say that they were friends, but maybe just rivals.

"No, of course not! They grow when you get older, I'm just a little late is all!" Hungary scoffed like it was super obvious information that everyone knew. 

"No, actually, that's not how that works…" the Teutonic Knights was cut off from explaining how the male body worked by England suddenly appearing and shouting at them that breakfast was ready.

***

They spent the rest of the day much like the last, still in search of the Holy Grail, and like the last day, they didn’t find anything. Once they had settled down for the night, the Teutonic Knights pulled Hungary aside to talk to him.

“I think it would be a good idea to not tell the others about this. You saw how they didn’t really believe us this morning. If we keep trying to claim that our bodies were swapped, they’ll think we’ve gone insane,” the knight explained.

“True,” Hungary agreed. “What we really need to do is find out who or what caused us to swap and then change back.”

“I’ve been thinking,” the Teutonic Knights started, “there are very few countries who can use magic, but what if that’s what caused us to change?”

Hungary put a hand to his chin, pondering. “Wait, can’t England use magic? He’s been with us this entire time too. I’ve never really trusted him, he mostly stays quiet, but what reason would he have to do this to us? What reason would anything have to do this for that matter?”

“You make some valid points. I don’t think we should start throwing stones yet though. If England wasn’t the one who did this to us, maybe he can help change us back?” The knight shuddered a little, all this talk about magic made him a little nervous. He really didn’t understand any of it and it seemed a little too close to Devil worship for his Christian sensibilities.

“How do we get England to help us without him thinking we’re crazy?” Hungary asked, “or worse, if he was the one who did this, how do we keep him from doing something even worse?”

“I really don’t know how we're going to do that, but one thing I do know is that I really want my own body back.” The knight glanced over at his own body.

“Same. You’re freakishly pale. I’m pretty sure I have sunburn now,” Hungary complained. The knight’s skin he was stuck in had started to turn an angry red. He should really wear a hat or something to protect him from the sun.

“I have an ointment for that in my bag.” The Teutonic Knights took out a small bottle and helped apply it to his own body.

They both sat in silence, trying to think of some way to get them out of this strange predicament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, I know I haven't updated in half a year, but yeah, not dead, just had no idea what to write. I watched a movie with a body swap and it gave me the idea to do this. I know it's horribly cliché, but bear with me :'D


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